If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
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