youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Randomize
