im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Randomize
