You work out of a Hotel?
I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
Randomize
