Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Randomize
