I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
Randomize
