I wannas sexs uuuuu
I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
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