a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
