i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
