So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
Randomize
