it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
Randomize
