I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
