I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize
