apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Randomize
