you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
