he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Randomize
