Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
Randomize
