they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
I fill condoms, not promises.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
