Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
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