why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize
