There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
Randomize
