So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
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