my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize
