so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
Randomize
