As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
After tacos, we're chasing women.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
