Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
Randomize
