I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
