I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
