my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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