we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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