I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
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