i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
soo... how was my night?
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