I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
God, I missed his penis.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
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