it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
