I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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