mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
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