Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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