none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Randomize
