Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
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