Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Randomize
