can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
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