Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
