is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
