U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
You've changed since you got that strap on
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
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