Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
she told me i tasted like america
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
Randomize
