i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
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