So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
