Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
Acid is not a monday night drug
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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