i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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