her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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