do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
The police scanner is talking about you again....
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
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