BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
Randomize
