He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
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