the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Randomize
