this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
