I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
